


A Kind Of Magic

by soupytwist



Category: Strangers With Candy
Genre: Clothes, M/M, Ridiculousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-13
Updated: 2007-01-13
Packaged: 2017-10-09 10:17:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/86186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soupytwist/pseuds/soupytwist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Geoffrey discovered his superpower completely by accident.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Kind Of Magic

**Author's Note:**

> Probably the closest I will ever get to writing something porn-y. As is usual, all blame can be sent straight to snoopypez. *g*

Geoffrey discovered his superpower completely by accident.

He'd seen this amazing lacy-front shirt in a thrift store, and the guy behind the counter had offered him a purple beret free if he bought some leather pants as well. He'd been doubtful - he was gorgeous, yes, but the pants were _really_ tight - but had gone for it because maybe he could make some kind of pirate ensemble with it, and besides, purple chenile berets don't fall into your lap every day of the week. He'd worn the beret regularly until one of the students had said it made him look like a grape, and the pants had stayed in the back of his closet, keeping his hot pink short-shorts company.

It was the week that the girls toilets exploded for the third time that his feud with his laundry service reached its peak and brought events to a head. Apparently they didn't appreciate the fifteen pages of instructions he left with every load of washing, or something. Whatever their problem was, it led to an almost total lack of clean clothes, and he ended up going to school in the leather pants and a t-shirt with 'CULTURE CLUB' on it in glitter.

He'd been slightly worried that the students wouldn't understand his unique personal style, but fifteen minutes in the mirror and he knew he was a cultural warrior, fighting against the odds for beauty to be brought back into the world. However, he'd taken the liberty of sneaking in through the basement when he went to work that morning, and it was then he ran into Chuck, who was busy shredding students' papers (or 'grading', as he called it).

"Good morning, Chuck," said Geoffrey happily. Chuck had been away for three days hiding from Claire by going to some kind of historical re-enactment camp (what exactly they did there Chuck never said, but it was apparently "very historical - very, very historical!"). Without Chuck around the school got really boring really fast. He checked around carefully. "I missed you!"

Usually absence made Chuck, if not exactly fonder, at least more likely to respond to sentences like that with "want to run off to the wood shop and have sex?" This time, however, Chuck managed "Geoffr-" before looking up from the shredder and stopping short with a look on his face like he'd just been hit around the face with a wet fish.

After a quick look around the room for a wet fish revealed nothing, Geoffrey decided something was actually wrong. That was the point when Chuck said "ohmygod" all in one breath and pulled him into the handy workbench and did a series of completely vile and unspeakably awesome things to him, some of which Geoffrey couldn't even name.

Geoffrey was all in favour of sex in general and sex with Chuck in particular, and it wasn't like they'd been abstinent before unless you defined abstinent as "anything less than fucking like bunnies twenty four hours a day", but that was unusual. It wasn't until afterwards, though, when in the middle of stretching, yawning and pulling his pants back on he'd said he could do with some coffee and Chuck had _actually gotten some_ that he realised.

The pants were clearly magical.

OK, maybe not. Maybe they were just very shiny and had hypnotised Chuck or something. Either way, Geoffrey figured it didn't much matter: in the grand scheme of things, much more important was that he totally had a magic ass and had Chuck in his power. And so during first period, Geoffrey put this theory to the test by going in to Chuck's classroom, pretending he dropped something on the floor and then asking Chuck what he was doing later while bending over to pick it up. Results were gratiftying: Chuck gaped at him a lot and actually left the classroom to watch him all the way down the hall when he left. Geoffrey did a little private dance to himself (refusing to dignify his students' whining "why are you trying to moon-walk in the middle of our moddelling project, Mr Jellineck?" with an answer) and wondered what he could do with this new power.

Half-way through third period, he had a brain-wave.

After having Chuck bring him three cups of coffee, agree to help him sort out his White Painting collection at the weekend ("White paint on white canvas, Geoffrey! I'm not helping with any stu-" "If you don't help, I might have to spend all weekend by myself setting them up." "... OK."), and give an impromptu presentation to the class on Why Geoffrey Jellineck Is Fantastic, Geoffrey had _another_ brainwave.

During the rest of the day they had sex in the auditorium, the locker room showers, the boiler room, the art room, the boiler room again and the nurse's office. Luckily Flatpoint didn't actually have a nurse, that being the first job to go when the cuts came, since it was obviously much less important than Principal Blackman's on-staff chiropodist.

It was in the nurse's office that Chuck's hand ended up in his pants AGAIN, and Geoffrey began to re-consider his faith in the magic's awesomeness. Maybe he'd used the power too much, and the pants were about to cause his untimely death from too much sex. Six times already today, and Chuck was still looking at him with his eyes half closed like he was too much to look at all at once and that was the only reason Chuck isn't actually devouring him whole or something. Geoffrey was actually slightly concerned he wouldn't be able to keep up the pace. There was _chafing_. There wasn't _supposed_ to be chafing.

On the other hand, looks like that were probably his favourite thing about his relationship with Chuck ever and also - Chuck's hand started moving and he lost his train of thought.

"Chuck, pants-" he managed.

Chuck glanced down and *leered*. It was absolutely the filthiest thing Geoffrey had ever seen in his life (including that one time in the boys' washroom). "What about them?"

"They're still-" Chuck's hand suddenly moved _differently_ and Geoffrey gasped "- on!"

"I'm not actually seeing that as a bad thing," said Chuck, thoughtfully.

"Me either, but - uh- slowing down?"

Chuck's hand stopped moving, and Geoffrey - with only a slight pang of regret - breathed a sigh of relief that he was able to think a bit again. Chuck looked a bit confused, which Geoffrey attributed to the fact that 'slow down' was the opposite from what he usually heard in this sort of situation. He was all rumpled, too; it was kind of cute and made Geoffrey want to do some of the fairly unspeakable things to him. Geoffrey mentally reprimanded himself. This was supposed to be a 'use the power of the pants for his own ends' kind of mission, not a 'sit around admiring Chuck Noblet, who would probably lose a coolness contest to Jerri Blank, even' mission.

Chuck was _looking_ at him again, and Geoffrey, like the manly and assertive guy he was, gave in immediately. He grabbed Chuck's hand. "Over here!"

Over there was - joy of joys - a bed. It was kind of old and one of those medical beds that are always at the wrong height and usually covered in really weirdly crinkly tissue paper, but this one was tissue free, out of sight and, most importantly, big enough for Geoffrey to sit on it and drag Chuck after him.

Chuck landed kind of awkwardly, and they had to check he hadn't sprained his wrist ("Geoffrey! That wrist is very important to me!"), but he soon forgot about that as kissing and removing clothes revealed themselves as much more important. Geoffrey's shirt was the first thing off - Chuck threw it on the floor in a way that implied he had less respect for it than Geoffrey wished, but he wasn't going to complain. Especially when he got to spend a good five minutes appreciating the fact that Chuck had worn a tie today. It was the dark blue one, too, one of Geoffrey's favourites; it was very good at making sure that, when Geoffrey moved back futher on to the bed, he could pull Chuck on top of him.

Chuck tried to complain that this wasn't a very good position for getting Geoffrey's pants off, but it was a very good position for getting _Chuck's_ pants off, so Geoffrey didn't mind. It was his turn anyway; Chuck _owed_ him for the chafing, dammit. Not that he'd exactly minded at the time, since it was rather gratifying that apparently what Chuck really really wanted was to make Geoffrey's cock very happy, but it was the principle of the thing. And anyway.... he got distracted by Chuck tugging at his Culture Club t-shirt, sat up a bit so Chuck could pull it over his head without ripping it and desecrating a personal shrine to one of his fashion heroes, Boy George, and then he realised that he was now in a much better position to roll them over. So he did.

Luckily the bed was right against the wall, otherwise they'd have gone crashing off the other side. As it was, Geoffrey banged his shoulder and it took a few seconds of "Geoffrey, I can't BREATHE when you're leaning on my head!" to get them sorted again.

But sorted they got, which was a good thing, so Geoffrey ruffled Chuck's hair some more, and kissed him some more, which led to a whole lot more kissing and touching, all of which was excellent until Geoffrey realised three things: the lube was in Chuck's pant's pocket, the pants were on the other side of the room, and somebody was going to have to go and get it if anything was going anywhere near Chuck's ass. Since Chuck's ass was quite a compelling subject at this point ("Lube! Chuck, stop that- oh... mm... look, you know what happened that one time so no we are not doing without!") Geoffrey unwillingly dragged himself away from the very appealing sight of Chuck in only his unbuttoned white shirt, and went to get it.

"You'd better come back," said Chuck petulantly.

"From the other side of the room?" Geoffrey replied distractedly - Chuck's pants either had more pockets than he thought or they'd used up way more of the lube than he thought. He figured possibly both. Then, victory! He grinned and went back over to the bed. Chuck reached out to grab him, so Geoffrey rewarded him with a kiss before informing him that Geoffrey's own ass was staying out of the equation this time and therefore Chuck should stop reaching for the lube and turn the hell around already. Chuck, as anticipated, actually didn't mind at all, and Geoffrey would have explained to Chuck how this proved that he, Geoffrey, was awesome and had awesome pants, but he didn't care, because by then said pants were round his thighs and very nice things were happening involving friction and the really kind of amazing noises Chuck made every time he moved like _that_. until it was all too much and there was gasping and discovering all over again that what was fun becomes sticky and uncomfortable afterwards unfairly fast. Also, that Geoffrey was now kind of sore and achey in places he hadn't even known he _had_.

Chuck was just starting to look like he was contemplating another round when the final bell went, which Geoffrey figured was probably for the best. Chuck went home with carpet burns and a mysterious stain on his shirt that he completely failed to explain to his wife, Geoffrey went home with a big grin and the knowledge that he totally won at existence and making Chuck Noblet do things for him, and everybody lived happily ever after.

(At least until the following Thursday, when Chuck explained what a melon was to a particularly poor student who'd never had one by using the phrase "kind of like Mr Jellineck's ass". In the following fight Geoffrey's pants sadly lost their all-consuming power, but they remained a much-loved part of Geoffrey's wardrobe - particularly the part that wanted to make Chuck do things - for many years. Sadly, they were then eaten by a cougar. But the point remains.)


End file.
